This is me...

My name is Alice,

I am 20 yrs old and live in Bavaria, southern part of Germany in Europe.
I have an own appartement and just finished higshool. Before rushing to college I'm taking a ear off.

So at the moment I'm just working in bar and take care of myself.

In former times whe I was still going to school, it was always the problem that i felt so busy that I had not strength or time left to take care of my body and health.
When I was comin home after school in the after-noon, had to take care of the housing, shopping and those stuff and still got homework to do, I always felt totally tired and exhausted so that even the imagination of going to the gym was ike hell.
But now as things changed, I want to try really hard and get back the life I always wanted to.


When I was younger at about 13 years, I was the nce girl, everybody's darling, I had good grades and many friends and hobbies. I felt self-confident and just happy for every day.
 Then suddenly my parents divorced and my whole picture perfect of my life fell apart.
I didn't wanted to meet friends anymore, as I always felt like when they were talking about guys and make-up tips, it was so wrong for me to also think bout this unimportant stuff as at home my mother was crying each evening and my brother didn't know how to work with this new situation.
So with 13yrs I already had to deal with adult problems, as I wanted to understand what happened to our family -as my parents never have ever fought with eachother before they suddenly seperated, later came up that my dad had an affair- so both of my parents were totally true to myself and told me about things that I didn't understand really and knew hot to deal with.
When I got used to the new situation, my brother, mother and my living just us three in our house, seeing my dad just on week-end, I started to recognize how I let down my own life, my freinds, hobbies, love you know...

Since then I always tried to become myself again but couldn't reach my old position in life.
But as I still caryy all those awesome memories with me I can't help but compare life as it was with now.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about anything, as it's my job to change things...
But still, it was a huge descent from being popular, suecessfull, totally happy, confident, thin and beautiful (as of my charisma of course-but still...) and always envied to a girl that is pittied by many friends, did bad in school, without friends, and a chubby body and ungroomed skin, without confindence and hope, a girl that feels so bad in her own body that she wasn't taking a bath in public for 4 years, and who doesn't trust in herself to practise her fads, like dancing-cause she doesn't stand the reflection of her...


So now I already got used to my new lifestyle. But I don't really want it still.
I have many friends that I like, but who don't really fit to me and don't know me at all.
As I couldn't be with the other beauties and populour guys I found the alternative guys, who give a shit on their look and negate everything superficial.
And I act like I would just as well but actually I don't!

Actually I like to go shopping for dresses, to wear high-heels, to be girly, to talk about boys and to giggle around.

I wanna get back my old life, my old look, my old friends and I will!